Big: Is Mother's Day on Friday?Me: Nope. Sunday.
Big: Yay! Yay! Yay! 'Cos I need to bring it home from school and I can't do that on Saturday because school is closed and could you imagine going in to school on Saturday just so you could bring it home and then you'd get stuck at school?
Big: I can't tell you.
8:13 p.m.Big: So there's Friday. And then Mother's Day is Sunday.
Me: Yes. Time to go pee.
Big: You can make me try to tell you what I have to bring home on Friday, but I won't.
Me: Please go pee now so you can go to bed.
Big (skipping in the opposite direction of the bathroom): I won't tell you! I won't tell you! I won't tell you!
8:45 p.m.Me: What are you doing out of bed?
Big: I can't sleep. I'm scared of the dark.
Me: C'mere. Let me rub your back.
8:46 p.m.Me: How's this?
Big: Mommy, do you know what sashay is?
Me: Like the dance step?
Big: And it smells so pretty, right?
Me (confused for a moment, then): Oh, sach-et! Yes, those do smell very pretty. You sure you want to be talking about this?
Big (with a gasp): No! No! No!
Me: Don't worry. It's OK.
Big: Yeah, you'll probably forget before Sunday, anyway.
My life is a Seinfeld episode.